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Shay

Gender identity and name changes/titles.

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Shay   
Shay

I was wondering if any trans or NB members here have changed their names either unofficially or legally? This could just be your first and/or middle name or your last name too.

I've had gender issues my entire life and I've always hated my first name because it just seems too feminine. I've wanted to get my name legally changed for a long time, but never have because it's expensive and just a general huge pain in the ass with all the different places you'd have to inform of the change. Lately, I've been thinking more about what I'd even change my name to if I did change it. I've had a hard time even coming up with anything. Like if I was a f to m trans, then I think I'd know exactly what I'd change my name to. It would really just be male names similar to the female names I was given.

I'm really more genderfluid than anything, and I have a lot of times when I don't even really feel like male or female, so I think if I was going to change my name, it should be something gender neutral. A large part of me would love to change my name to a name that I go by online a lot, because I strongly identify with that name and it is gender neutral. Unfortunately, I did try to get people to call me by that name in college and everyone had such a hard time pronouncing it that I gave up. Then I think that the fact that I use it online so much should be a reason to avoid it if I don't want people in real life googling me and seeing all of my online activities under that name. I've looked at name lists for gender neutral names, and I just haven't had seen anything that jumps out at me.

Another factor to consider is that my mother named me after her father who died before I was born. So a part of me feels like I should try to honor that by choosing names that begin with the same letter as my grandfather's first and middle names, but I don't know how obligated I should feel to stick to that if I can't find anything that feels like it fits.

Have any of you gone through this sort of struggle regarding name changes?

I also want to ask about titles. The standard titles for most people in English are Mr., Mrs., Ms., and Miss. And then sometimes there's Sir or Ma'am. I'm getting to a point where I don't think I can tolerate being referred to with female titles anymore(despite not minding female pronouns). Last week I even told a nurse in a doctor's office that I don't go by Miss. I don't think I really want to be referred to by the male titles either though. I'm curious how other NB members deal with this issue. I've heard that there is a gender neutral option of Mx. pronounced "mix", but I don't think I've ever seen that option like on webforms where there's a dropdown list with a limited set of options to choose from. I'm also not really sure I want to go by Mx. either though. I feel like it sounds too close to Miss to anyone that might not be listening closely enough. I mean I'd probably choose it if it was an option, but it would be nice to have a title option that I actually felt comfortable with. As of right now, I think I'm just going to start asking people not to use titles with me at all and just to use my name(as much as I loathe it). Honestly, using my name is just more practical anyway. I'll have someone calling up asking to speak to Mrs./Ms./Miss (my last name), and then I have to ask them which one they want because there are three other female people in my house with the same last name.

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